If you’ve ever tried to help someone with dementia take a shower, only to face adamant refusal, you’re not alone.

Or perhaps you’ve offered assistance with a meal, only to be met with frustration or withdrawal. These moments can leave even the most dedicated caregiver feeling defeated.

What if there was a simple approach that could transform these interactions completely?

Most caregivers instinctively use a “directive” approach—telling clients what to do or doing things for them.

But this creates an unbalanced power dynamic that no adult welcomes, regardless of their care needs. In fact, it’s often the root cause of the resistance we experience.

There’s a better way—a method that’s quietly revolutionizing caregiving relationships across the country. It’s called the “parallel activity” approach, and it could change everything about how you connect with those in your care.

What Is the “Parallel Activity” Method?

The parallel activity method is disarmingly simple yet profoundly effective: instead of directing someone through an activity or doing it for them, you do it alongside them.

Think about it—which would you prefer: having someone instruct you on how to fold towels (as if you’d never done it before), or sitting together folding towels while chatting about your day?

The difference seems subtle, but the impact is dramatic. When we shift from face-to-face direction to side-by-side engagement, we transform the entire relationship dynamic. Suddenly, we’re companions on a journey rather than authority figures issuing commands.

“Most people don’t realize how much dignity is lost in traditional caregiving approaches,” you might find yourself saying after trying this method. “When I started working beside my clients instead of directing them, everything changed.”

The Psychology Behind Why It Works

The parallel activity approach works because it taps into fundamental human psychology:

1. It preserves autonomy and status – Being directed or helped constantly reinforces dependency and loss of control. Working in parallel maintains a sense of capability and independence.
2. It reduces confrontation – Side-by-side positioning is naturally less threatening than face-to-face interaction, which can feel confrontational or evaluative.
3. It leverages the power of modeling – Humans are wired to mirror those around them. When you engage in an activity, the person in your care is naturally inclined to follow suit—without explicit direction.
4. It activates procedural memory – Even in people with cognitive impairment, procedural memory (how to do familiar tasks) often remains intact. Parallel activities tap into this preserved ability.

Most importantly, this approach acknowledges a fundamental truth: no one, regardless of age or cognitive status, wants to feel like a child being supervised. The parallel method preserves adult status and dignity.

Looking to stay updated with more innovative caregiving approaches? Sign up for our newsletter for weekly tips delivered straight to your inbox.

How to Implement Parallel Activities in Daily Care

The beauty of the parallel approach is its versatility across all aspects of caregiving:

Personal Care Routines

Instead of directing someone to brush their teeth, set up side-by-side sinks where you both brush together. This transforms a potentially infantilizing experience into a shared adult routine.

For grooming, try setting up two mirrors where you both comb your hair or apply face moisturizer simultaneously. The power of this subtle shift can’t be overstated.

Household Tasks

Kitchen activities offer countless opportunities for parallel engagement:

• Prepare vegetables side-by-side at the counter
• Set identical place settings at the table
• Wash dishes together, each with your own task

Laundry becomes connection time:

• Sort similar piles sitting next to each other
• Each fold a different category of clothing
• Match socks together as a shared activity

Social and Recreational Time

Parallel activities shine during leisure time:

• Read books side-by-side, occasionally sharing interesting passages
• Work on separate but similar craft projects
• Listen to music while each writing or drawing
• Exercise together following the same video or routine

Making the Shift: Practical Tips for Success

Transitioning to parallel activities requires some thoughtful adjustments:

1. Rearrange your physical space – Create side-by-side workstations instead of face-to-face setups. Two chairs at the counter instead of one is a simple but powerful change.
2. Adjust your language – Replace directions (“Now you need to brush your teeth”) with companionable statements (“It’s time for us to brush our teeth”).
3. Start with strengths – Introduce the parallel approach first in areas where the person already maintains abilities and confidence.
4. Be patient with the transition – If someone is accustomed to being directed, the shift might initially cause confusion. Gentle persistence pays off.
5. Narrate your own actions instead of theirs – “I’m folding the towels like this” rather than “You should fold the towel this way.”

For activities that seem to require more guidance, try the “over-the-shoulder” technique—position yourself slightly behind and to the side, working on a similar task while the person can peripherally observe your movements.

Overcoming Common Challenges

For Those with Cognitive Impairments

• Simplify tasks into smaller components that can be done in parallel
• Use visual cues and identical setups to reinforce the mirroring effect
• Maintain a calm, unhurried pace that allows for processing time
• Focus on familiar, routine activities that tap into procedural memory

When Physical Limitations Are Present

• Adapt the activity so both parties are engaged at their ability levels
• If someone can’t stand at the counter, set up table-height stations
• When hand dexterity is limited, find parallel components of the same task (they sort while you chop)

Safety Considerations Without Sacrificing Dignity

Maintaining safety remains paramount, but can be achieved while preserving the parallel approach:

• Position yourself where you can monitor without hovering
• Set up the environment to minimize risks beforehand
• Use “indirect supervision” by engaging in your own activity while staying aware
• For high-risk activities, create a parallel component (they stir while you handle the hot pan)

“You might find yourself thinking, ‘This takes more time than just doing it for them,'” and initially, you’d be right. But the reduction in resistance and the improvement in relationship quality quickly offset any additional time investment. More importantly, the dignity and engagement you restore make every extra minute worthwhile.

Transform Your Caregiving Relationships Starting Today

The parallel activity method isn’t just another caregiving technique—it’s a fundamental shift in how we view and structure relationships with those in our care. By moving from “doing for” to “doing with,” we restore dignity, reduce resistance, and rediscover the joy in caregiving.

Start simple: select just one daily activity this week to convert to a parallel approach. Notice the subtle shifts in engagement, cooperation, and connection. Pay attention to how differently you feel about the interaction—and how differently the person in your care responds.

As one professional caregiver put it after adopting this method: “I’m not just providing better care—I’m building better relationships. The resistance I used to face has melted away, replaced by moments of genuine connection I never thought possible.”

Ready to transform your caregiving approach with more innovative techniques? Join our newsletter community for weekly inspiration and practical strategies delivered directly to your inbox.

What parallel activity will you try first? Share your experience in the comments below!